You could just say "my thoughts are with you"? The struggle is real x, I have lost both my children and can clearly stateplease dont use platitudes. Our neighbor lost her husband and my husband and I worked for hours to get up her leaves just because. Gina, I agree that it does have a huge impact on how people behave after such statements. What Science Says About 'Thoughts and Prayers' - The Atlantic People rarely offer to pray for me, maybe they think it's opening a door to (church lady voice) SATAN. Her passion is to help others deal with grief and provide assistance with talking to those grieving. I am dying to know the reason for that! Ive learned that giving of yourself is the greatest gift for any situation. That brings wisdom through the dirt I do not allow my head to ponder on that day as the pain is always laying in wait. Taken stanza-by-stanza, there are also portions that are completely secular. I feel that this is so meaningful because its beyond anything a human can do, something miraculous! Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Affiliate Disclosure, What to Say Instead of Youre in My Thoughts and Prayers, say or write to someone whilst they are grieving. I also appreciate where Gina is coming from. May s/he be safe and protected. I mow their lawn. Accept my sincere condolences. It is important to do more than say you will be there for someone. Letting them know you are here for them and thinking of them is simple and can go a long way. Following through months and even years afterward does so much more. I told my friend I know shes gone and it hurts but Im here. people mean only kindness but feel like they need to say something to fill the awkwardness but please know they are hurting beyond words. I asked everyone close to me to not mention my child on social media. Both of the following comments are rather insensitive to someone who has lost a child. I am loving hearing all the stories his co-workers and friends are sharing. Dealing with news of someones passing isnt a skill that comes natural for most people. Share. I am sorry for their loss and offer appropriate assistance as I am able.I would never impose my thoughts upon griefstruck people and prEyer is an admission of incompetence and ignorance. If you know someone with cancer or who has recently been diagnosed then these alternatives to youre in my thoughts and prayers should help you to show youre thinking of them during such a difficult time. -or clean it. 2. We have a post-loss checklistthat will help you ensure that your loved one's family, estate, and other affairs are taken care of. Mark your calendar 3 months. Some say it is unhealthy but were all different. Your family has 500 hours of work to do after you die. First of all, everyone is so different in how they grieve!! Alternatives to "I'll keep them in my thoughts and my prayers" I noticed that the default response to when someone or they are in the hospital dying they say "Hope everything turns out okay. I agree. When i hear love songs I cry my heart out. Alternative Religion History and Major Milestones William Shakespeare reflected on the value of good company inHenry VIII, creating what amounts to a short thank-you prayer or poem: good company, good wine, good welcome, can make good people.. We lost two brothers, sister-in-law, Aunt, and Mother all in less than a year. I am so terribly sorry, There is nothing I can do to make this better, but Ill be by your side all the way, Be strong my friend, and know you have the support and love of so many around you, Lean on us for comfort in your time of need. "Sending love and light" has a profoundly spiritual meaning. If it feels right to you, or you think your loved one would appreciate it, you can use Gods Speed in a simple message like the one below. Im a firm believer in the Written Word in my Bible. But many of the nonreligious will also include a moment of thanks, as "secular grace" grows in popularity among atheists, humanists, agnostics, freethinkers and other so-called "nones." of the patients' have non-specific complaints (12/30). She was heartbroken that she was too sick to care for her boys. I wish things were different, I am so sorry for your loss. Post-planning tip:If you are the executor for a deceased loved one, it's tough to handle both the emotional and technical aspects of their unfinished business. Hopefully these sayings will help you with what to say instead of youre in my thoughts and prayers. The LAST thing I want is anyone dropping by. Its a total life raft for someone grieving. May s/he have ease of well being (and accept all the conditions of the world) The greatest of all losses. God made us to be a people who are interconnected on so many levels. Flowers and plants brighten up spaces and smell great. I am sorry that was what they told you. Griefshare does have its value. The Aztec Legend of the Agave and Tequila. The overwhelming kindness of well -intentioned wonderful people becomes difficult to distinguish from those near strangers with some kind of morbid curiosity. Then, don't just talk about it, be about it. The author(s) , in my opinion, did an outstanding job of that. I agree with you , however none of the alternate things offered, mentioned leaning on God for strength and keeping faith strong through the pain of a loss. 4. Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life. Or you might be non-religious yourself, but still want to express your gratitude, condolences, or get-well-soon wishes with a prayer. impersonation or misrepresentation, fraud or phishing, etc. I finally had to say please stop, Im not like you I need time to process and accept. I had tears of sorrow for every stillbirth. Thank you. I am a devout Christian and I think the most offensive thing Ive been told is shes in a better place because God needed another angel. When I am gone, release me, let me go. I felt like I was going to scream if another person said Im sorry, etc. We each grieve in our own way. Life is the perfect game. If you knew the deceased, but not their family, its nice to let the family know what their loved one shared with you about them. @slope unblocked. I cannot even imagine losing a child. Most importantly, know your are not alone and there are people who can help you, comfort you, cry with you and hopefully laugh and smile with you. But remembering those we care for with a card, a hug, a phone call is so important to express our care in the way we can is meaningful. While our. Support the grieving family by. I try do that also. I am so sorry that you have had so many losses especially the loss of your husband. If it were possible, there were a hundred people who wouldve gladly taken her place. I try to stay busy. I agree with Peggy, finding someone that can help you to navigate through your grief, and will be able to give you a consistent listening ear we may need. Dont ask if the bereaved person needs anything. Sally Collins is a writer and the founder and owner of Sympathy Message Ideas. The loss of a parent is so tragic. If none of the prayers and poems listed above strike your fancy, you can create your own. Do not stand at my grave and weep, Just do something for them. Be gentle on yourself. It feels dismissive of the loss the parent feels. Just as your beautiful gift of the heart, it will be the gesture from the heart that is held close. Someone is with the grieving to assist with answing the phone, recieve visitors, answer questions, and to be company when it gets quiet, and help with funeral arrangements. Words may fail me but you can guarantee Ill be there for you. 25 Alternative Ways to Say "My Prayers Are with You" - Crosswalk.com Grief is a lonely time especially in the days, months, years following so, to me, that was when I especially appreciated the support and kind words, whatever they happened to be. This will help them feel like they're not alone in their grief. I want to slap anyone who says shes in a better place, God needed another angel in heaven or shes looking down smiling on her kids. Harm to minors, violence or threats, harassment or privacy invasion, Heres an excerpt, for example: I am thankful for my family, And it has a similar message. And rising from failure like a warrior of war I spent way too much time being angry at God for not answering years of prayers. forms. Had a classmate show me pictures of her grandchildren at visitation. A non-denominational or non-religious prayer might be a good choice if the person youre speaking or writing to isnt religious. Flowers are a very traditional way to express condolences. An appropriate secular substitute for prayers is thoughts. I cant tell you how much it helped and still helps to hear good memories of my son. School Shootings and the Mockery of Thoughts and Prayers: A Christian Let them choose when they want to take advantage of the gift card. I do not use past tense. God bless anyone with an aching heart. It let me know that I wasnt alone in loving him, it gave me another piece of him that I didnt have before, and it helps me to remember his life instead of just his death. Sending you gentle healing hugs, Peggy. Knowing the right thing to say to someone who is grieving can feel uncomfortable and challenging. These alternative messages will help you when attending a funeral or just talking to an acquaintance who is mourning a death. One day, you will heal Then, edit the prayer slightly to make it non-religious or more meaningful to you. The person receiving your words will appreciate you taking the time and effort to find something more than just youll be in my thoughts and prayers, and may even take greater comfort from them. No, there was no good reason. Traditional and Alternative Therapy for Mental Illness in Jamaica All you have to do is find a traditional prayer that you enjoy overall. A non-denominational or non-religious prayer might be a good choice if the person you're speaking or writing to isn't religious. I have so many things to see and do, Many religions say a short prayer before a meal, in which a blessing is asked and thanks are given. The backlash against "thoughts and prayers" has been met with its own backlash. A prayer or poem can also help youcomfort someone you lovewhen theyre feeling ill. What Cult Suicides Are and Why They Happen. Something that has been used less, that means more to you or them, or expresses your feelings in a better way. I too lost my daughter. For me, it came back 10 fold when I lost my youngest son at the age of 24. I am a thousand winds that blow. It sounds a bit odd if you think about it too hard, but it is a common idiom. But I remembered everyone who sent their condolences and the effort they made to show how much they were thinking of me. For them to know friends and family are there with support and love is essential for getting through painful times. So I fully appreciate it when you express your hartfelt feelings without any religieus motif. Its uplifting message offers a way to celebrate your loved ones life as a final goodbye. I know Ive found it harder to find the right words when family are grieving the loss of a loved one. So what POSSIBLE reason could there be when a husbands car wont start when he is leaving early for work while his family is still asleep, so he uses his wifes car to jump his but accidentally leaves her car running in their attached garage when he goes to work, only to come home at the end of the to find his whole family dead? If it's a relative or close friend, I will tell them "Im sorry youre suffering right now, but Im here with you and willing to help any way I can. I had never lost a loved one before and joked that the only spirit I knew in heaven was my dog. Difficult to comfort people who are grieving. Conversations do not need to be an hour long therapy session. All you have to say is that you know its rough and that their child made an impact in your life too. It tells them that their child lives on in the memories of others, Thank You FOR Sharing GREAT Messages And Comforting G-dBless. During the loss of my sisters husband I found a bracelet for her and a key chain for her daughter with nice sentiments. My 24 year old daughter found out she had brain cancer while she was pregnant with her first child. And plenty of believers do pray in the sincere belief that God will reach down and alter the world in their favor. A phrase I hate even more, that many TV news people use, is "Our hearts go out to you"--because it seems like an insincere cliche. All that we love deeply becomes part of us, Wishing you loving memories to warm your heart, today and always. I think and reflect and process and grieve alone. And I especially did not want to hear how my loved ones were in a better place or that God loved them so much that he brought them home! These kind of platitudes made me insane. Job in his great suffering did not know the reason, yet he chose to trust God. What do agnostics say instead of "Thoughts and Prayers"? You might want to send a thank-you prayer to let a loved one know how much you appreciate them. If you want to talk or someone to listen Im always here. As a mother, who has buried two of my children, there are no words. This is something that Christians and non-Christians . At least prayer is an ACTION! Its powerful imagery and emotional verses were written by Mary Elizabeth Frye in the 1930s. But show them that you really do care! In the OP's sentence, the word pray implies appealing to the almighty God, and nothing less. Nothing can fill that hole left inside you. My husband and I are very opposite. Specifically for your example. An Atheist's Prayer | HDS News Archive - Harvard University 2. My daughter was well loved and popular. Actually, that is the perfect thing to say to someone suffering such an unimaginable loss. They are likely dealing with funeral arrangements, caring for family members, and other life obligations. 1. It is important to validate the grief and sadness that your friend or loved one is experiencing right now. It can help them feel less alone, and they will know you care for them and that they can ask you for help if they need it. I have learned so much from this experience! You can even set up a memorial donation page and invite others to contribute too with a platform like, 22. Offer to take the kids for a day, or watch them at home while mom and dad take a nap or go out for dinner. Thanks be to GOD my daughter I is making it this far. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. form. May the Peace of the Lord comfort you. This link will open in a new window. I think those individuals should just stay quiet. I hope this man in his pain will come to know Gods forgiveness and peace. If God in all His greatness would choose to come to earth to die for me, then maybe I can choose to trust Him for the rest, even when it is hard. I think this is illegal. Thoughts and prayers didn't exactly help there, did it?? This is a pain that I must go thru. Create safe spaces. When someone is hurting, sick, or struggling, we can stand in the gap for them. I have used, May the happier memories of your loved one help carry you through this difficult time., a painful but honest view from a person who has lost a loved one and gone through the living traumatic hell that follows is definitely not rambling. "Praying is just a way to do nothing and still feel good about yourself." He too knows the pain of heart when losing a child.. You should appreciate that anyone would reach out to you in a time of terrible sadness or life changing event. From my own experience, its sometimes best not to say anything. When I come to the end of the road And its my belief I was meant to read this post. Give a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant, The days and weeks following the passing of a loved one are often chaotic. Find 3 ways to say NONRELIGIOUS, along with antonyms, related words, and example sentences at Thesaurus.com, the world's most trusted free thesaurus. I am a strong believer in Angels and have experienced them in my lifetime, so know they are there to comfort you. And see a stronger person through your reflection The "thoughts and prayers" verbiage became part of our cultural lexicon because people wanted a way to request help and/or care from a mixed audience of religious and non-religious listeners. It's a lovely sentiment that may well be true. I want no rites in a gloom filled room Below are some prayers and poems for healing. We say I'm sorry for your troublethat spares us having to mention anything religious in nature. Exactly. Good choice of words. Yea that's thought provoking and profound. We need to watch our language as Christians who are comforting a person whose loved one is of the faith that Jesus is their Savior and we have the assurance from Gods Word that they should be in heaven now. When people distance themselves, it might be for their own emotional preservation. PDF Are thoughts and prayers substitutes for material aid? When I lost both of my parents I appreciated those who reached out with their warmth and kindness. Poet July Hebery wrote this thank-you poem, which mentions a higher power but doesnt specify which one. What someone who is grieving might need most in the world is space. And youll notice that a line of this prayer relates to suffering and its causes, which could include illness: May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness. Sometimes that means using common phrases but when I can Ive tried to say something different and more personal. Or, they use that little prayer hands emoticon. Ive never felt closer to my Father in Heaven and to Jesus Christ than during this time. But to the untrustworthy one as I am, seems as it wasnt an accident. Saturday Morning Service - April 8, 2023 - Facebook I understand everyone is not like this. Non-Faith Based Drug Rehab | Non-Religious & Secular Rehab Centers After losing my husband and partner of over 40 years it was family and friends who picked me up and got me through the grief. If youre looking for a short poem or prayer to recite at an ash-scattering, consider this short, non-religious poem. Sometimes family and friends are grieving too, and trying to process the loss in their own way. ", I don't say this but I heard someone else say " Life and death are one string". THE PRAYER: "Dear God, I ask for your guidance in making this decision. -- Why Our Health Matters, Our Sacred Planet Mother Earth in all of its Amazing Beauty and the Quote of the Day 73. Learn how your comment data is processed. When someone I know lost her mom I knew the hurt she was going though, I told her things from my heart. If someone you are intimate with or very close to loses someone they love, a simple I love you can make a world of difference. Im an ER doctor. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Many religions have a prayer that youre supposed to recite before you begin a meal. I have never lost a child so I can not honestly say I know what your going through, for I dont, but I can imagine it must be the hardest thing to live through. You should have punched her. When my husband died, for some reason I really hated it when someone said Im so sorry or sorry in any way. We'll help you get your affairs in order and make sure nothing is left out. We are Gods children we are like 3 year olds to God trying to understand things that are beyond what our small minds can comprehend. Just a minute phone call counts more than anything you can imagine, and costs you nothing but is priceless to the other person. I shall have no sorrow to die. We find that Christians value thoughts and prayers from religious strangers and priests, while atheists and agnostics are "prayer averse"-willing to pay to avoid receiving prayers. Instead, tell them what you are going to do for them, and then do it. Nothing compares to checking on someone. So comfort those who have lost their partner with these unique sympathy messages and sayings. Most of the time I ask what I can do to help. " Or come mow their yard; or take away a load of dirty laundry and return it cleaned and folded the next day. I have found comfort knowing that for me Jesus died on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins. This excerpt from James Whitcomb Rileys prayer,Thanksgiving, is perfect as both a gratitude prayer or thank-you note. Our Heavenly Father does not plan these things. 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